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12 Month Letter, Posted at 13 Months

Dear Little Mister: 

You are one! When people ask me hold old you are, I find myself saying 13 months and then giggling because I realize that I no longer need to answer in month time.  I had written a one year letter which I will get to, but wanted to talk just a little bit about the first fourish weeks of the second year.  You only have one full tooth and a few more coming, but wow, can you do a lot with them. When you are nursing, one of the ways you tell me that you are finished is by chewing on my nipple. I have mixed feelings about weaning you, but in those moments I certainly feel ready to be finished.  

We are seeing the start of sibling fighting. When your sister yells, sometimes you still start crying because you get scared. Now, you sometimes yell back and pull her hair.  When she has a toy that you want or takes something that you were playing with, you do not hesistate to crawl over to her and either grab the toy, hit her, or pull her hair.  We have started putting you in the baby version of time out and separating you from your sister. I told Daddy that managing the squabbles is already exhausting and I am sort of nervous about what will happen in a few years. 

You and your sister can also make each other so happy.  Recently, your Didi (big sister) got so excited when you gave her a high five and said hello to her. She loves to hug you. You love watching her dance, sing, and read you stories.  Daddy and I love seeing you be sweet to each other.  

Now to be sentimental....

Many moons ago, Daddy and I started having conversations about sharing the rest of our lives with each other. I hope that you also have the chance to plan a future with someone that is kind to your dreams and wants to build something wonderful with you. ​Through​ the rose colored glasses of people on the verge of so many adventures, we speculated about what we thought our future would hold and what we wanted. I wish I could remember more of those conversations, but mostly I remember feeling, "I am so excited and lucky!" I also keep going back to a phrase (and various versions of it) that we repeated a lot-- "we have to be comfortable with change and expect things to be different than with thought." 

Fast forward some years and we find our days filled with being co-pilots on a plane of chaos. Our carefully laid out plans for raising our kids are constantly recreated. The past year has been so intense with job changes and moves, closing chapters, and starting new ones.  You came into our lives!!! 

Our fearsome foursome recently celebrated one year. When I see you and your sister together, I still get surprised that we have two kids.  You are starting talk more, and get teeth. A few weeks ago, you started trying to climb stairs. Before our eyes, you are transforming from our little baby into a little boy. Your laugh is still one of our favorite sounds. 
Some wise person said that one of the gifts kids give you is the chance to relive your childhood.  Taking you to the places I went as a child has brought that home to me in very real and surreal ways.  I would just add that a special gift you have given me is the chance to be a less anxious parent. When your sister was born (and still), so many things were new and unknown.  Some things are different with you, but I am glad for the chance to go through this first year again with a little bit of experience.  We go into the world together and I follow your lead with smiling and saying hello to strangers.   I let you wander around the room during library book time and yoga. I try to cuddle you patiently as you get upset during swim class.  The knowledge that I will miss these blurry baby days as you get older helps me to treasure our time together.   
Thank you for teaching me to move with confidence even if I do not know what is ahead. Thank you for making me laugh, especially when I wanted to cry. Thank you for cheering when I come into a room. Thank you for latching, so that I could experience breastfeeding. What a year!! I am so glad to know you and honored to be your mother. 
Posted on Wednesday, October 21, 2015 at 4:48PM by Registered Commenter[beastmomma] | Comments2 Comments

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Reader Comments (2)

Are you officially settled in MD. Exciting! I am sure your kids are just the super-est adorable!
November 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCare
We are officially in MD, but still working on getting settled.
November 30, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma

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