Beastmomma

Tonight I took my fourth diagnostic test and I am not sure how it is possible that I managed to be going slower.  My endurance level seems to be decreasing.  I was having such trouble concentrating. I also noticed that I have acquired another bad habit.  As I am taking the exam, I have been scratching my head. Maybe it is a connection to the notion of scratching your head for the answer. Anyway, I have noticed that there are flakes on my test booklet and the table around me.  Oh good LSAT, thanks for giving me dandruff or is it dry scalp or does it even matter? It's another indication of how the stress of this has manifested itself into my life.  Here is the list of items so far that I am bitter about having to sacrifice:

~ Sleep

~ Conversations that are interesting in nature.

~ Self Esteem

~ Confidence

~ My Scalp (the appearance of these flakes does not make things easier)

~ Feeling old

~ Eating crappy food.

Five weeks left and I have to think about where else I can squeeze out study time. There have been suggestions about me changing my attitude about the LSAT from attempting to make it my bitch to trying to become its friend or something less advesiarial. I can understand that thinking. But here is the trouble with that: HOW CAN I BE FRIENDS WITH SOMETHING WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO DETERMINE SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE BASED ON HOW PEOPLE CONTEND WITH IT?  Also if something was going to be friend, wouldn't I be wanting to have some give on its end? Shouldn't it not be giving me extra stressful side effects? These exams need to be conquered. I know that there are many who believe they are necessary evils. Why is it that knowing an evil is necessary makes it more acceptable? How come I know that there are people who are reading this who are thinking "She is bitter because she is not doing well on the exam." To this I can only respond: YOU ARE RIGHT. 

Here is what I have to offer law schools which won't even get considered if I don't have the right number: A Master's Degree, Work Experience, Strong Writing Skills, the desire to help people, enthusiasm and passion.  I am twenty FUCKING eight years old and for the past few weeks I have been spending nine hours a week in class with college juniors who are concerned with staying awake for their classes and how to plan their schedules so that they don't have obligations on Friday.  Every night I stay up way past a bedtime that is appropriate for getting enough sleep in order to attempt homework so that I can hang with my classmates.  I go to a job that lately has been DRIVING ME CRAZY for at least eight hours and then roll into an evening class.  As I saw my time slipping away from me on the exam, I had the desire to cry. To cry because I have no idea how I am going to do this well.

I still fucking hate you LSAT. You are winning the rounds,but I don't think the game is over yet.