Beastmomma

My week has been pretty crazy. Tonight in my LSAT class, the smack came down and we were told that we needed to up our prep because the exam is a month away.  We are encouraged to put in three hours of work each day. Of course, there are exceptions, but if we want to succeed this is where it counts.  I took a deep breath and just released my television time.  I thought about how this exam was one of the fighting points with my father and how much I needed to really give it everything to show how much of a priority it is.  I have been up since about 6am because I had an early morning meeting. Needless to say that at about 7pm during class, I started to zone out. I decided to remedy the situation by staying after class in order to work through some additional problems. I was the only one there, but I told myself that I needed to have an intense concentration period to make up for my zoning. 

Tomorrow, *Sunday* and I are driving to Atlanta together. He is going to meet his dad for a conference and I am going to try to relax and enjoy some time with friends. I have felt so drained that I did not do a good job of planning time with everyone. I just want to hide in a ditch or something.  This will be the first time I am going to visit where I do not have very much structure. Something tells me that it will go by quickly and get filled with much more activity than I realize.  The latest disagreement with my dad has made me question my status with *Sunday* again. Overall, I feel pretty happy with him and just last week it had been six months since our first date. I can honestly say that I do not believe that much time has gone by because I still have a lot of the giddiness from when we first started spending time together.  I am not sure where it is going in the long term or if we even have a long term.  Being in the car for a long time together will help bring more light into his personality and our ability to mesh together. 

Yesterday at the gym, I kept getting this powerful intense memories and thoughts about my father. I was doing the treadmill (40 minutes again, after cycling class) and my mind was wandering. I was trying to think of good examples of how he loved me even though he had said things which upset me.  I got into this strange pattern of remembering something good and it would be followed by another painful incident.  I am still on the boycott and hope to hold out until Monday because that is his birthday. 

In the meantime, I am looking forward to a change of scene with some old friends.