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Exciting Future

Dear Future:

You constantly surprise me with how you arrive and look different than what I imagined. Take the journey of this blog for example. Shortly after I got this site as a birthday present over four years ago, I began an online dating adventure. The blog community was so wonderful. We voted on which photographs I would use and the actual content of my ad. I started the adventure of a lifetime. On this site, I documented my dates. In addition to some funny stories, I unpacked some of my insecurities and faced some of my fears about intimacy. Through it all, my dear readers were cheering me on with comments. Then, I went on a date with *Sunday*

We had a big fight a year and a half after we had been dating. I thought that our futures did not include each other. You surprised me again. He and I reconciled about a month before I moved to Seattle to begin law school. We were in touch, but you had a lot more in store for me than I imagined. I learned so much about you in the process of falling in love with him. Most of all, I found myself learning to let go of the need to know how things will turn out. His name on this site became the Visitor because I wanted to share adventures we had together.

I have also been so afraid of what you will bring. As much as I wanted to shout my love from the rooftops, I was afraid of people's reactions. My parents had lots of expectations of you in regard to who I would marry. I had so much fear of yelling and being disowned. Again you exceeded my expectations. Yes, it was hard to tell my parents. However, I discovered that all the challenges of bringing a potential partner home to meet the family is worthwhile for the chance to be able to say out loud, "This is the person I want to be my life partner."

Even after learning over and over again that I should let go of the need to have you, the future, look a certain way, I still found myself clinging to an image of how things should turn out. The pressure started to mount about what the next step would be and if/how I would get engaged. He told me that he wanted to ask me to marry him and that I should relax. I tried hard to do that, but I found myself constantly looking to you for clues. Again you surprised me. One night at the departure area of the Seattle airport, I got the following note:



You can see that I said, "YES!" Now, I look to you with excitement and look forward to experiencing you with my Partner to-be.*

Love, love, love,

Beastmomma (a.ka. honest woman to-be)

*In case it is not clear *Sunday*= Visitor=Partner to-be

Posted on Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 1:10AM by Registered Commenter[beastmomma] | Comments22 Comments

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Reader Comments (22)

Yay. Enjoy. :)
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterN
Hmm... I'm worried about the tone of the above post; imagine some exclamation points around that. (And blame jet lag/end of the semester stress for the minimalistic first post...) Seriously, I'm really excited about this! My mom and I are already wondering/speculating about dates and budgeting frequent flyer miles accordingly.
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterN
OMG N! You are so quick to post a comment. I feel even worse for not returning your phone calls yet. Thank you for being so supportive!!
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma
oh my gosh, this is such exciting news!!! i can't believe it's been almost 4 years since your first date!!! super super congratulations! i am so happy for you! ^_^
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercrissy
CONGRATS!!! That is super duper exciting and awesome. I had no idea you were still blogging and feel so bad for not keeping up and keeping in touch. You actually came up at dinner the other night because we were talking about Seattle and I realized I had no idea what you were up to. School is over in 2 days so I will catch up on your blog with my new free time. Any plans to visit NC soon? Again, YAY! And I will share my good news....I am having a baby boy in July!

May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRegina
Thank you so much Crissy; I cannot believe that much time has passed either.
Regina-- Congratulations to you!! I am sorry for not being in touch either and I cannot believe that you are going to have a baby. WOW-- the future really is exciting!!!
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma
That's the best post you've ever written ... and it has nothing to do with grammar or punctuation. There's a confidence in your writing that wasn't there in the beginning. As corny as it sounds, when you began the blog, you were a girl, but now you're a three-dimensional woman. Congratulations!
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJef
Beautiful! I am so incredibly happy for you.

May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSonja
Congratulations JC!!! With much love from New Orleans.
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrotatingmass
May 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCare
Jef: Thank you so much for the compliment on this post and my evolution as a writer. I am still pinching myself.
Sonja: I really appreciate your friendship and of course that you are happy for me.
Rotating Mass: I am so glad to see you commenting. Thank you for the love and good wishes.
Care: Thank you for the Congrats!
May 1, 2008 | Registered Commenter[beastmomma]
Wooh, congratulations to you Beastmomma!

(Although I feel like I'm intruding and all...)
May 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLightheaded
You are not intruding at all Lightheaded. This is an open post, so it is wonderful to get your congratulations.
May 2, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma
Congratulatoins and what Fantastic news!!! Can't wait to FINALLY see a pic of this guy though. Ring? Is there a ring yet? Remember, Mama Brandt wants to attend the wedding! And us O'Connor's want to help you celebrate too!
May 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren
Thank you so much Karen! Yes, there is a ring, but I am still adjusting to wearing it every day. It has been noted that the Brandts and O'Connors are ready to celebrate.
May 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma
You certainly have a way with words.
Your manner of expression impresses
me. thanks
May 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Finley
So...after all this time, when do I finally get to meet Mr. Sunday- Visitor-Partner-to-be?
Congrats on finding true love. If you have any clues where to look, please do let me know.
May 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterG-love
Thank you for the compliment Terry Finley. I really appreciate it. This is one of my better posts.
G-love: I certainly hope that you will get to meet him. To look for true love, I would say SPEND more time experiencing new things :)
May 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeastmomma
Woo Hoo! Let the champagne corks fly!

Big hugs and congratulations to you and Sunday!
May 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisaaMM
Thank you so much Lisa!
May 9, 2008 | Registered Commenter[beastmomma]

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