Beastmomma

I have wished many times and in different ways for a better relationship with my parents.  The manifestation of this desire gets tricker.  My dad and I have decided to try talking on the phone at least once a week to keep in touch.  I wanted to try something similar with my mother, but I feel like she is constantly upset with me because I do not call on various extended family birthdays.  There is such a tricky and hard to find distinction between the things I can change and am willing to work on and the amount of stuff I push off onto my parents.    Sometimes (okay often), I find myself saying, "Things would be better if only they would___."

I also get jealous and angry with my perceived differences in how they treat my brother and me differently.   It seems that because he has diabetes and even before then, he can get away with doing less and getting more praise.  The comparison gave never pays off for me,but I would like them to see how unfair it is to accept different levels of behavior from both of us.

The exam was grueling.  Fortunately, I remembered all the items on my checklist and did my brain dump successfully.  I was also thankful that I had something to write in response to all the questions.  Unfortunately, I was pressed for time and finished with about thirty seconds to spare.  I wanted more time, but that was not possible.  It is so hard to predict how I did on the exam.  I knew that I was tired and felt unsure.  I also did not want to exercise, so I convinced dude to have dinner and drinks with me.  After two glasses of wine, I feel tipsy and sleepy.  I suppose it is good for me to sleep early tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

~ Let go of things in faith and not hold onto them in fear.

~ Believe that I can do better on my exams this semester, than I did last semester.

~ Trust that even if my grades do not reflect the earnestness of my effort, that I am not a failure as a person.

~ Hope that when I call on my memory for information today and for the rest of the exam period, that it will answer with good information.

~ That even if memory fails, I will be able to pull something else together.

~ The good wishes of loved ones is strong enough to carry me to the finish line.