Beastmomma

Last night, I had a dinner with some friends from graduate school. It was good to see and catch up with folks. I went on this long tirade about my family and the strangeness of realizing that I am not going to be good at casual dating or getting serious with people I meet. Maybe I should hone more of my skills at being a slut :) (Just kidding, mostly)  Anyway, this lead to a really interesting discussion about our various family members set of prejudice and expecations.  Specifically how there are certain categories of people our parents don't want us to be with whether that is based on race, religion, or culture.  We all noted how in their everyday lives, these family members can interact and even form friendships with the groups of "others." However, when it comes to who becomes part of the family or the behavior of loved ones, the thinking becomes narrow and fast. All of a sudden, the house of love is limited to select membership.  There are several stories I have heard and witnessed of families coming around when their children married someone that was not the wish or came out. The transition is tough, but necessary. It seems like people have expectations of how they think their family will grow and what they would like for their children. Then, if there is any straying from this path, the parents need time to mourn that idea or examine and figure out if their children's happiness is really what counts.  

It is tough to realize that your parents or grandparents or aunts or siblings or cousins may be racist or homophobic. We talked about coming into our own thinking and realizing that some of the thoughts or beliefs held by those we loved and respected were incorrect.  How do you manage to love your parents through this transition of coming into adulthood and realizing that your viewpoints and way of living and who you love are in conflict with so much of what they hold dear? 

Some say that they do not care about what their families think and they are fine with the distance. I can understand that thinking; however, I feel like my family and I are so interconnected and that there thinking and beliefs are still part of who I am and what I am becoming. It is hard for me to dissassociate completely and I am still grappling with those questions.  How do you handle the conflicts with what your family believes and what you are beginning to know?

This morning I called robogrrl at 5:30am for the second round of our early morning, waking each other up, to get moving routine. After talking with her, I fell asleep for a little bit and then woke up to do pilates at 7:00am. My stomach muscles were so sore that after the show finished, I had to lie on the rug for a few minutes to catch my breath and get prepared to move.  The bad weather also makes it hard to get moving and stay active.

My weekend has been pretty hectic. Yesterday, I went to my first Durham Bulls game. I liked having seasoned French fries and chicken fingers. Red went with me and it was nice to spend time hanging out with him. I definitely felt more comfortable around him. We left the game early to watch the Simpsons.   I feel better saying that we are dating, but not exclusive.  Earlier that day, I had a fight with my mom which made me realize that I am not going to be able to date anyone exclusively.  My parents, especially my mom, are freaking out because my cousin who is two months younger than me is getting married in Jan. My parents and brother are attending the wedding; I will probably go as well. I told her that I did not want to go unless one of my friends came because I hated being hounded and hassled about when I am going to get married and all the ways I can change myself to be a better match.   One of the ways that things which helps to mediate these discussions is to meet people that they think would be good for me.  How does this fit in with me dating someone else? Can I really be someone's girlfriend when I am meeting other "suitable men"?

On Saturday, I had a lazy morning and then my friend Sandi came over and we went shopping. I am not a typical woman in that I hate malls and I hate looking for clothing. I can just never seem to find anything which fits.  I was delighted to find several items which would for me in less than an hour.  I am going to a wedding this coming weekend for which I needed an outfit and I got one that was not too expensive and that looked good on me!   That night I went to the most funbingo experience and afterwards I went to a lounge where I had three martinis, two shots, good conversation with Sandi and  Brian, and flirting with the cute bartender that did not get out of hand.  I came home and felt restless, so I called Verne and read some and then fell asleep at about 3am.   

On Friday, Reshma came over to sample my latest culinary adventure. It turned out really well and then we watched this movie "And then God Said Ha" which stars Julia Sweeney. It is really an incredibly poignant movie about she and her families experience with cancer.   Even though I have not left the state for awhile, it seems like these last few weeks have definitely been full.

Mad props go out to robogrrl for giving me the 6:30am wake up call for us to work out. I actually went back to sleep and woke up at 7:30am and did "In Shape with Sharon Mann" Boy am I sore today. It does feel good to get the blood moving in the morning. Last night, I was cracking up with the "Bodies in Motion" which comes on at 11pm. I wonder is that is too short a span between workouts, but my need for exercise is greater than my need for excuses.   Talk to you on Monday morning robogrrl ~ hope you had a stellar workout.

Last night, I had writing group and it was the first time in a long time where I felt blocked and could not think about much to write. I was writing "I don't know what to write for awhile" and then just zoning out.  Before meeting the group, I went to the Regulator and I was thinking that it has a good vibe and is a nice space.  There are other bookstores I go to and I don't feel the same. What makes a bookstore or any store feel cozy and a place you would like to spend time?