Beastmomma

1. I only did the reading for the first class instead of a whole week's worth.

2. Instead of having one foot in a boot, both of my feet were in shoes.

3. Because of number 2, I wore black pants instead of a skirt. 

4. I have an apartment with all my stuff, instead of being in constant transition.

5. I am not waiting for the phone call or letter from UNC telling me that I have been accepted.  That dream has been put to rest. I can focus on being here-- RIGHT NOW.

6. Hearing my name called in the halls as I was recognized.

7. Realizing that I know my way around the building now.

8. Getting excited about my reading (for some classes).

1. The class rank got released on Thursday.  Classes begin on Monday. I was surprised and upset with how I did my first year of law school compared to my classmates.  I know that this is a personal challenge for me and feeling jealous of others is not a good state of mind.  However, I find that law school breeds things in me that I do not like--- insecurity, jealous, anxiety, and uncertainty.

2. I had a good few weeks at w squared. However, I feel like my mood can change dramatically based on what the scale says--- three digits have tremendous power. It's especially frustrating because while the scale tells me that I have lost 15 pounds, I cannot see it on my body.  If what the scale says is not correlating with what I see in the mirror, why do I give it such power?

3. There are lots of deadlines approaching to submit applications for various summer opportunities.  One of the things the first round of interviews request is class rank and whether or not you are on a journal.  I had applied to the Seattle Journal for Social Justice.  I thought that I had a good shot and I did get an interview, but the offers were made yesterday and I did not get one.  It's hard to not feel wounded that both my writing and my commitment to social justice were not enough to get an offer to be on the journal.  On the plus side, I will have more time to devote to changing item number one on this list.

I talked to the professor for whom I have been cranking stuff out for all week. In spite of my best efforts, I knew that I was not going to be able to finish everything before school begins next Monday.  Even though she is very understanding, I was still nervous.  This is woman I admire and hope to be when I grow up.  I wish that I had managed my time better this summer, so that I could have finished more.  However, it was good for me to learn that I should not try to spread myself too thin and I need to not be so resistant to scheduling my time down to the hour.

When I went to school, I saw her getting off the elevator.  She gave me a warm hug and told me that I should come see her in an hour.  After that initial encounter, I just felt at peace.  I knew that things were going to be okay and I just needed to be honest.  When I went to her office, we talked about our summers. I loved hearing the stories of her travels and expressed a desire to get my passport stamped.  She told me, "If you hitch your wagon to the right star, great things will happen." 

Then she told me where she was with our project and the things that were going to happen next.  I said, "Would it be possible for me and [the other research assistant] to continue during the school year?"  She said, "Yes! I would love to have both of you."  Then I took a deep breath and said, "I am sorry but I have not finished the cases for the first project."  She said, "I haven't written the syllabus for my classes" and shrugged.  We then set a new deadline for that.  I said, "Oh my gosh, I was so scared and that was easy." She smiled and laughed, "Don't be scared of me."

I felt SO much better! Even though there is still lots to do before school begins on Monday, I am excited about my job for the upcoming school year. 

As an added bonus, I looked at the reading for one of my classes and thought, "This looks interesting." << Whoa, I never thought I would say that about a law school assignment.  Perhaps, the second year will turn out better than the first.