Beastmomma

My father was nice enough to let me borrow his car while I am in MD.  Today, I went to the pool which was good.  I only did 35 minutes, but it felt good to be back in the water.  On the way back, I stopped at the grocery store.  When I opened the trunk to load the groceries, I noticed a huge box of Depends.  I knew that my father had to use diapers for a while after his surgery.  Hopefully, this is something that is only short term.  However, I still paused and was surprised.  There was also a huge case of Red Bull which made me laugh.  I was struck with the contrast and suddenly had a sensation about my dad in the future.  As he ages, he will always be doing something to keep himself young.  This does assure me, but I am still dreading my parent's aging process.

Tonight, California Girl and I went to Borders.  I noticed an older man who had been there all three times I have gone there this break.  The last time he was there, he wanted to know the location of the coffee house.  People were really rude to him.  Granted, I did not know the whole story, but I felt bad that he was getting treated so badly.  I wish that I had done something, but I did not know what to do.  Today, I saw him in the coffee house.  He was enjoying a yummy looking drink and then reading classifieds.  I am not sure what he was searching for, but I just ached for him.  I worried that he was lonely; I hoped that he found what he was looking for and that he gets to share sweets with someone sweet.

I also thought about my parent's aging.  Even though they drive me crazy, I do not want them to be unhappy.  This is why I have such a hard time following my own bliss when it conflicts with their wishes.  Hopefully, I can find a way to contribute to my parent's happiness while still following my bliss.

I have a hard time being at home for longer than a few days.  One of the nice things about having Tom and Sonja around was that I got to get out of the house and have some fun.  Unfortunately, they left yesterday and I was feeling slightly panicked and not having an oasis.  Fortunately, I have a few more people to see to help pass the time and who can help me process my frustration with my mother.  The non-conformist was in town and went shopping with me today.  The after-Christmas sales were in full effect and I got a new pair of pants. I was so excited! I went with a different color (gray) and I actually got a second pair of pants in a different style that were brown.  I figured it was good to invest in pants that I am likely going to wear for another 10 years.

Other than that, I have just been on an island of sorts. I find myself sleeping and making excuses for not swimming.  Somehow, I find myself on the couch every night watching television with my parents.  On Saturday, I leave to do some traveling for a bit.  It will be nice to mix things up a bit.   

I survived my exams! The last 24 hours were very brutal.  On my last exam, I ran out of time and I had to drink a whole diet coke so that I could stay awake to finish my paper.  It took me a long time to pack, but I managed to get on the plane and make it to MD. 

Before I continue, I wanted to give an update about Sonja.  She was the third commenter on the Pay It Forward Blog.  Here are her current acts of kindness:

Act 1:  I donated all the bills in my wallet to the Salvation Army.
Act 2:  I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered a small coffee, and paid with a 20, and said the next few customers are on me, just tell them it's a random act of kindness, and merry Christmas.
Act 3 is yet to be determined.

I sent off two of my gifts and I am hoping to send off the last one soon. 

When I arrived at my parent's house, my mother and father gave me hugs and within a few minutes we were both tired and cranky.  At one point, I was talking with my dad and my back was to my mother.  The following exchange occured:

Mom: Is there a hole in your pants from your big butt?

Me: No [irritated]

Mom: Yes, there is--- there are two near the pockets.

Dad: Let me see.  Yes, there are holes. They are because your pants are worn out, not because you are fat.

Me: [horrified] Oh my gosh.  Mom, can you fix my pants.

Mom: Let me see.  Oh, it is fraying.

Dad: How long have you had these pants?

Me: 10 years.

Both Parents: [laughing] Why don't you get new pants?

Me: Because I want these pants!

Dad: We can go to Dick's sporting goods.

Me: NO!! Remember what happened last time?

Dad: No, what happened?

I filled him in on how the store did not have anything big enough to fit me and it was humiliating to be in the dressing room trying on bathing suits while he was outside.  Then, he found a salesperson to ask for help.  He said, "My daughter is too big for your clothes.  Do you have anything that would fit her?"   After telling this story, he said, "I thought you had lost weight."

Me: Why are you brining that up now?!?

Dad: Okay, what about Sears?

Me: Okay.

Mom: You should donate these to Goodwill.

A while later a trash bag appears on the table; it contains my 10 year old pants with two holes.  I cry a little inside.

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I told this story to Tom and Sonja over dinner.  It sounded funnier then; I am not sure if I recalled everything in this tale.  Basically, the tone of this trip has been set.  I am wearing hole-y pants which I do not want to discard because I have had them for 10 years.  My parents are trying to get me to change and I am resisting.