Beastmomma

Thanks for all the comments and good advice from yesterday's entry. Today, I had a snow day so I am home from work. I took a nap, made some macaroni and chesse, and watched Ellen. Good heavens, I love to watch that woman dance! It inspires me to move to the sound of the music, even if I am going to be off beat.

Anyway, last night I got a phone call from the *CA contender* which is how I shall refer to this latest guy that my parents like. I think this person is nice, but he just seems to want to marry someone for the sake of having a wife. When I told him what I wanted in a person and this changes periodically, he said, "that sounds reasonable." Maybe this means that he will adapt to that person.  He does know my birthday is on Wed.  and will probably call or send something since he asked for my address. I do like gifts. Alas, I am drifting.

The point is that my brain has been invaded. For the longest time, I believed that I was only going to marry someone who enhanced my life and made it better. Now, with another round of crap and meaness, I am beginning to feel like I am too big for these dreams. That is insane. How can your clothing size determine your worthiness for happiness?  It cannot and it should not. Here I am though in the bouts of self doubt. Yuck!

How about you, how do you get yourself out of self hating funks?

Yesterday, I got my car registered. Now, I am an official NC resident. It feels strange. All my moving is resulting in the accumulation of many liscense plates.

Today, I feel a bit cranky as my parents are pressuring me about marriage. A few weeks ago, I talked to this guy on the phone who they really like. I thought he was nice, but I do not believe he is right for me.  I did return his next call and left a message. My parents keep bugging me to be open minded. I just feel like I don't want to be so open minded that my brains fall out.  Last night, he left another message and I just feel annoyed by him. It's not his fault, really, it is my parents.  They are just crazy. They keep telling me that they are my allies and best friends. I feel like if they really were that then they would not make me feel crappy for liking my life as it is and not liking the people that they are gaga over.

How about you.... where do you stand in the marriage mix? Is it something you are searching for or just thinking if it happens, it happens?

As previously mentioned, I am a big birthday person. My parents have a large extended family and these relatives are not my favorite people. I wind up feeling bad about myself and wanting to change my name to something like bessie smith.  I decided to have a birthday party in MD at my parents new home. (I had a lot of anger around the purchase of their new property)  I called my mom to confirm the date and time, all she did was tell me how I should invite various relatives. I want it to be fun! I am already treading in nerd territory by inviting various teachers, but STILL!!!!  Also, I was so annoyed that my mom kept mentioning couples like so and so and her husband, such and such and his girlfriend." It's like she is prepping me to board Noah's arc and reminding me that only losers travel alone.  Hello, mom find a better way to relate.

How about you, how do you handle strange family dynamics?