Beastmomma

I took a few days off from my internships, so that I could have more energy and time to devote to preparing for the exam.  The problem is that I am really distracted and nervous.  I keep skipping about ten steps into the awful future about what I am going to do if I fail the exam and have to postpone being able to sit for the bar.   It does not help me be productive and motivated to spend quality time with the material.  Instead, I freak out and then need to take a nap or watch television or talk on the phone .   Ugh. 

The experience of dealing with my anxiety has made me wonder why I am so quick to focus on and develop the worst case scenario of so many things.  I could be spending energy thinking about how things could turn out really well.  I do that for a second and then worry about jinxing myself.  I have begun to wonder why I am so good at imagining terrible things happening when I need to perform my best.  If someone I cared about were in the same position as me and behaving in the same manner, I would include a pep talk that included the importance of putting good thoughts into the world.  I would also throw in something about self-love, confidence, and trust.    I feel stuck with not being able to follow my own advice.