Beastmomma

My father made a decision about which option to take.  He decided to go with the robotic surgery which is schedule for November 19th.  When he was explaining the decision to me, he told me that he would have less bleeding and hopefully less pain. He was also glad that since  there is a robot and a screen involved, there would be a greater chance of "nerve sparing" which means that he would not have erectile dysfunction.  He will be out of work for four weeks and then potentially having incontinence for three months.  Hopefully, he will not be part of the 10% for whom incontinence is part of the rest of their lives.

I felt okay about the decision and figured that my parents optimism is correct.  Then yesterday my dad's oldest brother sent an e-mail that had the line: "Miracles do happen and they can happen in your case." All of a sudden a huge amount of fear gripped my chest and I started crying.  Had I missed something? Did we need a miracle? I thought that this was something that could be treated fairly easily.   Getting accurate information and gauges for the mindset of my parents is even more challenging when we are on different coasts.

Since the surgery is right before Thanksgiving break, I am going to go home and stay a few extra days.  Today, I am going to talk with the Dean to have these absences excused.  Even if she does not excuse them, I am still going to go because I think that my father's health is more important than law school.  However, I am very nervou about how everything is going to play out for the rest of the semester.  When I am with my family, I hope I can be present and not freak out about the law school.  When I am here at school, I hope that I can focus and not be freaking out about my dad.