Beastmomma

From talking with my dad, these are the treatment options:

1. Surgery with a robot.  There is a 10% chance that he will have to wear a diaper for the rest of his life.  There is also a chance that he will have erectile dysfunction.

2. Surgery without a robot.  There is a 15% chance that he will have to wear a diaper for the rest of his life.  Again there is a chance that he will have erectile dysfunction.

3. Radiation.  There is no chance of incontinence or erectile dysfunction, but the procedure is less precise.  He may have to repeat if it is not successful.

As I listen and process, I try to stay calm.  After all, my father is not freaking out.  Still, I have strong concerns of him not having a good quality of life.  How do you choose between these things? Yes, it is important to get rid of cancer.  I think it is equally important to have autonomy.   The thought of him in a diaper makes me want to cry and the thought of not getting rid of all the cancer is truly terrifying.

There is something very sad about letting go of the ideal of your parents being beyond the reach of disease or death.  The possibility of losing someone you love pretty much sucks on every level imaginable. When it is someone you have known your life and who is a large part of how you define yourself, well the fear and all those other crummy feelings gets multiplied by a thousand.

With this on my mind, I do not want to work on creating an event in which I do not believe with the student government.  I feel frustrated with the situation I have find myself in where I do not feel like I have decision power or autonomy.  The helpless feeling with my dad magnifies the frustration and out of control feeling I have in every other area of my life.