We have had an eventful few days. Last night, I saw some blood when I went to use the restroom and had some abdominal pain. The doctor told me to put a pad on and watch to see if the flow increased. By the time I had gone to bed, the bleeding had stopped and I just assumed that my body was getting ready to welcome you. This morning, I was starting to feel some pain and noticed that the blood had returned. I called the doctor's office and they asked me to come in. I was nervous about driving because I was not sure if the pain would increase, so I asked Partner to come home and go with me. When we got to the doctor's office, we found out that my cervix was closed and that the blood was minimal. I went home with instructions to call if anything changed.
Partner and I decided to pick up lunch and I felt super exhausted after I ate. I wanted to get some groceries before your grandparents arrived and needed to have some energy when I picked up your big sister. I woke up from my nap and felt like my water broke. I groaned because I was not sure if it had really happened and was worn out from all the doctor visits. We called the doctor's office again and were instructed to go to the hospital for evaluation.
On the way to the hospital, I was feeling some pain and wondered if this meant that I would be able to deliver you vaginally. When we arrived, it was was confirmed that my water did break and that you are doing great. After more evaluations and discussions which felt inclusive, we decided to go with another c-section. I am nervous about another surgery, but in a better place mentally and more comfortable with our decision. We are so excited to welcome you to our family. I feel like I got some decent rest over the last few weeks and enjoyed the chance to nest. I hope that you have a safe journey into our lives and I look forward to meeting you!!
With the Little One, my water broke the day I was 38 weeks. (As an aside, reading that post still makes me cry) I did not have any time in this "any day now" zone. With her I had longed for more time as we needed to prepare the house and sort things out. With Bud, we got most of the essentials prepared. I am still contemplating making a labor mix and need to clean a few things, but overall we are more ready than before. I did not anticipate how uncomfortable I would be physically. I feel like I cannot really move without feeling a lot of pressure or pain or an awareness at how slowly I am going. My fatigue has also increased to the point where it is no long possible for me to run after the little one or fully participate in her imaginary games. We have been doing a lot of drawing, singing, and talking together which is good, but another shift in the relationship. I am also aware that these are our final moments as a family of three. It is hard for me to nap near here as I constantly move, but I was glad that we took a nap together today. When I woke up and saw her sweet face still asleep, I started crying.
I tried to explain to Partner that I was excited, but also nervous and sad about the changes ahead. How are all of us going to have family cuddle and nap time? He said that it will be different, but better. I had similar angst before the Little One arrived and I remembered a moment a few weeks after she was born where all three of us were in the bed together and I just felt such happiness. I should trust history that change can be challenging, but also awesome.
My parents arrive on the 10th. We have been half hoping that Bud will wait for them before making an entrance. I had some tension with them last time as I did not really know what to expect or how to articulate what I needed. I am hoping since there is less unknown with a newborn, that we will get along better. Plus, while I am ready in most ways for labor to begin, I would like to go see a movie with them before the baby arrives :)
Partner is scrambling to finish up his binder for tenure. I cannot believe that he is already up for tenure. He has to write statements related to his teaching, service, and research to submit along with supporting documents to his department and the college administration which make the case for why he should be tenured. I have never had as much confidence in anyone as I do him, but we both are nervous. The binder is due on the 15th and we are hoping that it will be finished before the new addition arrives.
I have written about my car at least a few times (actually more than I realized when I looked at the archives) on this site. I am pretty attached to Birdie as it was my first adult purchase. Birdie has driven with me across the country, helping me transition from Atlanta to Durham to Seattle to Natick with many stops in between. We had a few close calls where I was scared that the car would not recover and a few years ago, Birdie started to show her age. A few weeks ago, there was a horrible noise coming from the car and we found out that the time had come where the cost to repair Birdie was more than her actual value. Granted, I do not think that any monetary amount could measure the sentimental value. The time had come for me to let go of Birdie and get a car that was better for accommodating our growing family.
It has been 11 years since I went car shopping. At the time I purchased Birdie, I was looking for three big things: safety, reliability, and good gas mileage. I found all three of those things in a Honda Civic Hybrid. This time, we were concerned with safety and reliability, but also about space. We needed room for at least two car seats and space to accommodate grandparents and other visitors who are in town. We were so lucky to have research that J shared with us from his own car search process. I narrowed it down to a few cars to check out and went to dealerships armed with a stroller to put in the truck and my (at least to me) big belly with which I was going to get into the back rows of the vehicles. The process actually went much faster than I expected and a lot of the dialogue I had with salespeople focused on "mommy" cars. I thought that I would be really resistant to a minivan, but once I looked inside and saw all the space, I was awed. I also was impressed with the drive. The hardest thing to wrap my head around was walking up the vehicle and getting in; no offense to the many lovers of minivans out there, but I was not quite ready to full on embrace "the mom car image." When one of the salespeople told me that the minivan was a mom's dream car, I said that I appreciated that but I also wanted to be a hot spouse and wanted a car that would ease that transition. In the end, we got Big Red (a Honda Pilot) which is larger than the Civic and not quite as big as a mini-van. We put in both car seats and there is plenty of space. I filled the trunk to the maximum on a trip to Costco and did not feel like I should have practiced Tetras more to make everything fit. As technology has changed a lot in 11 years, Big Red is definitely fancier feeling than Birdie. While the car is safe and reliable, the gas mileage is not so good. I keep fighting the urge to put a bumper sticker on the back that say something like, "I recycle." I am sure adventures will come with Big Red and it will be nice to travel in one car when family comes to visit or there are events we would like to go to with friends.
When I went to pick up the car and had to leave Birdie behind, I had to fight back tears. In addition to adventures and transitions when I was single, Birdie has also been part of my love story with Partner. We had our first kiss in Birdie, became engaged, and took our mini-honeymoon from Seattle to Worcester in the car. When my water broke almost three (!!) years ago, Birdie was the car we drove to the hospital. While it does seem odd to be so attached to a physical object, I am thankful for my experience with the car.